The Bible almost always describes romantic love from a male perspective. What I mean by this statement is that we read things like Isaac loved Rebecca (Genesis 24:67), Jacob loved Rachel (Genesis 29:18), and Samson loved Delilah (Judges 16:4) throughout the Bible. However, you will be hard pressed to find it written the other way — a woman who is “love-stoned” for a certain man. Nevertheless, this is precisely how Michal was in regards to David. In 1 Samuel 18:20 it states “Now Michal, daughter of King Saul had fallen in love with David.” This may have been because of the attention David undoubtedly was getting as a giant-slayer, or perhaps because of his good looks. After all, the Bible states he was a “handsome” dude (1 Samuel 16:12).
All the same, King Saul, was quick to use his daughter Michal’s love as an opportunity to get rid of David and save some face (earlier, King Saul had promised his older daughter to the one who defeated Goliath and did not follow through). There is a lot to be said about King Saul’s lack of integrity and his narcissistic usage of his daughters, but that is not the direction I’m taking you. What I want to point out is a romantic love story. David decides to risk his life in an obvious battle to obtain King Saul’s outrageous dowry for Michal. I will spare the gory details, but the requested items were not freely given to David (1 Samuel 18:25-29). Being the overachiever that he was, David even decided to bring twice the amount that was requested of him to King Saul.
We see that David marries Michal, and then eventually King Saul wants him dead again, but Michal ends up saving David’s life with a clever scheme that helps David escape (1 Samuel 19:11-17). In painting this picture about David and Michal’s relationship, my focal point is that they had genuine love between them. Even after David spends years in hiding and King Saul decides to marry off Michal (who was still David’s wife) to another man named Phalti, David held on to his love for her. We know this because after King Saul dies and David is crowned King of Israel, he holds no grudge against Michal but reclaims her as his rightful Queen (sorry, Phalti).
Sounds like a happy ending, right? Not so much. This love story turns into one of the saddest in the Bible. Within a few years, all the hope, the sleepless nights, the prayers, the visions of a happy-ever-after fairytale ending that may have once been, come to a devastating and abrupt halt. The culprit for this estrangement is no other than a sharp tongue!
No matter if you are married, or siblings, or friends — if we do not restrain our words when we are angry, love is not likely to survive. In 2 Samuel 6:14-23, we are given the play-by-play. Narrowing in, we see David dancing in an outburst of joy, maybe even saying something DJ Khaled would say, “all I do is win, win, win, no matter what” as the Ark of the Covenant is returned to Jerusalem. However, scripture states Michal was watching David “bust a move” from the palace window and became disgusted with his actions. When David returns to the palace, he is greeted with the full assault of sarcasm. Michal basically states, “look at you, the King of Israel — you have certainly distinguished yourself today, dancing around half-naked in full view of the servant girls and subjects as any vulgar fellow would!” Maybe she felt David should have saved the dance for her. Maybe she felt lonely when David was Ark-chasing, or maybe she felt neglected, like David wasn’t living up to her expectations. Nevertheless, David could have responded with love, or remained silent until the tension of the moment eased and explained his jubilant dance. But no — David instead goes straight for the jugular with the cruelest counterattack he could think of. “It was before the Lord who chose me instead of your father and all his family that I danced before” (2 Samuel 6:21). With this statement, David quickly reminds her that her father and three brothers were dead as well as any hope for the former King’s family lineage.
What comes next is haunting: “So, to her dying day she had no children” (2 Samuel 6:23). Not that she couldn’t have children — but that she didn’t have any. The wound was too deep for her, the response too brutal, the sting too painful and the chasm too wide for intimacy to survive. The sword of a sharp tongue severed the love that was, leaving only bitterness in its wake.
How many times have we said something out of anger and regretted it? How many times have our words hurt someone we care about? Psalms 4:4 tells us to “be angry and sin not,” but that can be easier said than done when emotions are high. Regardless of regret, the cost of “one-upping another” or “giving them a piece of your mind” can be devastating to any relationship. Our words have the power to hurt or heal. The book of James equates our words to being like a fire, an unruly evil, full of deadly poison (James 3:6-8). Satan used words like a lethal venom in the Garden of Eden. Jesus used words like a life-giving balm of love in the garden by the tomb.
Sure, anger is an emotion we all feel, but there is a correct way to respond to it. As Rabbi Harold Kushner says, “Only God can give us credit for the angry words we did not speak.” Jesus, in his suffering, said “Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Therefore, let us follow Jesus’s example and use our words to heal, and not to hurt, even when we are upset. In doing so, we may save a relationship instead of destroying it.
