Editorial: Swedish fish

Swedish Fish are a brand of candies. They are not produced by Swedes, nor do they contain fish or fish byproducts.

They contain primarily sugar, invert sugar (like antimatter sugar) and corn syrup, leaving the mystery of their bizarre taste squarely in the realm of “artificial flavors.” Given that Swedish Fish taste like no flavor ever known in nature or imagined in the darkest dreams of the maddest “food scientist,” it can only be concluded that Swedish Fish are not of this world.

There is not currently any proven correlation between Swedish Fish and supernatural activity.

While speculation as to the precise origin or ultimate motives of Swedish Fish is, of course, forbidden, readers are encouraged to enjoy the remainder of their lifespan.

Swedish Fish are especially good with savory foods like chips or popcorn and a movie.