Dearest scholars of Calvin College, my name is Abby Zwart, and I’ve written so many introductions for Chimes that you’re surely sick of me by now. Those of you who want to know me do, and those who don’t — let’s just say you’re not missing much. I’m your average English major — books, sweaters, tea and indie music are my forte. If you must know more, just Facebook stalk me, okay? This will be my fourth year on staff and my second as editor in chief. I can’t claim much except that Chimes comes out every week because I’m pretty good at nagging my editors to work and my friends to write.

My name is Ryan Struyk, and I’ll be your online editor this year at Chimes. I’m a junior studying math and political science, with minors in journalism and music in worship. Stop me on the path anytime to chat about worship theology, the Electoral College, music theory, the latest CNN article, statistics, or semicolons. I could talk for hours about all of the above. (But then take a break; I’m an introvert.) I’d love to hear about what you think should make news at Calvin. Being a journalist means being both student and teacher of the world, and that’s why my job is the best one out there.

Hello! My name is Allysa. I am a sophomore at Calvin, a recovering coffee addict, and a permanent daydreamer. I grew up somewhere on the other side of the state where I spent countless hours roaming dirt roads, reading the classics, and listening to archived episodes of This American Life (the voice of Ira Glass lulled me to sleep). This year I am one of your Campus News co-editors and I look forward to bringing you all interesting news that accumulates here at Calvin.

Hi, my name is Patrick Nintendo, occasionally called Josh Ngenda, and I have mild sociopathic tendencies. I was born in the depths of the Kalahari desert on a moonless night. After smuggling myself to Greenland in a shipment of unprocessed titanium, I proceeded to become the most feared street racer in British Columbia before the age of eight. Unfortunately, this didn’t provide enough of a raw adrenaline thrill to satisfy me, so I entered the high-stakes world of corporate espionage. I am currently in the United States to avoid a criminal conviction for my work in the Alberta oil sands.

Colleen Keehl is a writer, a reader, and a drinker of coffee. When she doesn’t live in a mitten, she sleeps in a small room in New York City. Soon to graduate and move away to the Empire state, Colleen is saving up to buy a Honda Cafe Racer so that she can take road trips across America. When not making tea, Colleen can commonly be found furiously typing on her Brother Charger typewriter and dreaming about the Eiffel Tower.

Hello! My name is David Ryou, and I’m currently the staff editor for National/World news. I enjoy eating sushi, kickboxing, swimming, and playing the ukulele. I pretend to hate Justin Bieber’s music when I’m with my buddies but I secretly think he’s a lyrical genius and enjoy listening to a select few of his songs from time to time. My greatest joy in life is stepping on massive piles of crunchy leaves during the fall and drinking Boba (bubble) tea. I dislike having to fill in the lines of the essay portion during exams as well. That should be about it.

Hey, I’m Grace Ruiter, one of the editors for Campus News. I am a sophomore writing major from the very exotic Grand Rapids, MI (Yes, I did go to GRCHS). I love to sing, and enjoy being a part of the Women’s Chorale here at Calvin. Last summer, I was able to go to South Africa with Women’s Chorale, which was absolutely amazing.  My favorite part of being on Chimes is definitely the Campus Safety Reports.

Hey all, I’m Jess Koster. I’m the sports editor and this is my second year with Chimes. I’m from the Grand Rapids area and I’m a junior. I absolutely love sports and the stats about them. Sports have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I try to get to most of the sporting events on campus. This summer was great for sports with the Olympics, even though I am one of those people who cry when Americans win medals. Besides sports, I love to travel, read and listen to music. Follow the Chimes sports Twitter at @Chimes_Sports.

John Kloosterman is a hivemind. At any given moment his neurons may be found buzzing around campus with dense probabilities centered in the Philosophy and Computer Science departments. They often coincide in both space and time for a sufficient duration to serve on several governance committees. His existence has created many new problems for both of his fields of study and spills over into many other academic disciplines. Does John Kloosterman need all of his neurons in the same place and time to constitute a metaphysical individual? If not, does a metaphysically fragmented individual deserve the full rights of a human being? Does he deserve the right to vote? Can he get married? If a full set of neurons is not necessary to constitute a person, can various arrangements of neurons constitute differing individuals? Can both of him vote? Can he marry himself and enjoy the tax benefits? More pressingly, when the Singularity occurs, will quantum computing have progressed enough to accurately represent the complex superpositions of his mental states? Many of these questions only Kloosterman himself can answer, which he does, often prefaced with cryptically zen statements like “Back when I was alive…” Keep your eyes on the Op-Ed section for more.

John Muyskens is Chimes’ Sci-Tech editor. He is studying computer science and enjoys programming in Python. However, this lead to most of the Chimes office thinking he dabbled in snake charming. To his chagrin, he was forced to dispel these rumors with the truth. Periodically, John has pretentions of being a Mountain Man, and grows a scruffy red beard. Even when in this phase, he is sure to keep his Android phone running the latest operating system, showing he is on top of all technological trends. John also works for SAO and knows about more indie bands than you do. He has dreams of moving to Montreal to be closer to the action.

My name is Joseph Matheson. I was born in Arizona. I was homeschooled until high school. I once dressed as a carrot. When I was little I would race my mom and I would always lose, but I would try to run so fast that my legs couldn’t balance and then I’d fall over and tell Mom we had to have a do-over because I fell over and she always thought I faked it because I was losing, but I didn’t. I am not good at describing myself.

My name is Kyle Rodriguez, and I am this year’s section editor for Campus News. I hail from the small town of Middleville, Michigan, and I’ve lived in the Grand Rapids area for about eight years. I have an affinity for bacon and cheesecake’s delightful existence, although I cannot indulge in either as much as I would like. In my opinion, Calvin College is a fantastic place, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here thus far. This is my first year working with the Chimes team, though I do have paid writing experience as a blogger and have some aspirations for the year that I hope will be impactful.

My name is Max Howard, and I am a writing/literature major here at Calvin. I grew up in Rochester, MI, but I tell people that I am from Detroit because it’s close and no one knows where Rochester actually is. In my free time, I usually will be reading or listening to Radiolab or gathering more friends to watch Troll 2 for maybe the fifth time. On a Calvin related note, this year I am the Features Editor for the Chimes, and will be bombarding whoever picks up our paper with all the things I love.